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Since the dawn of human history men have been hunters and gatherers, makers of love, of war and of politics. Life as we know it is shaped by chaps who have sought to leave their mark on the world around them... think of Caesar, Henry VIII, Darwin, Cliff Richard.

Blokes in 21st Century Derbyshire are, however, a bit different. Gone is the need to hunt a sabre tooth in order to eat, only people with no friends and bad hair go into politics and ladies now have things with batteries.

So what do blokes in 2014 actually do?

Well, oddly, they go away each May and ride motorbikes...

The Red Lion Bikers are returning and for our fifth trip we travel to Africa. Please fasten your seat belts, gird your loins and prepare to put up with the usual asinine and purile commentary as we embark upon...the Moroccan Adventure.

Sunday, 11 May 2014

Dust, dirt and the Moroccan menace...

The town of Boumaine is known for the Dades gorges which follow the river of the same name into the hills to the north (Morocco has many rivers, we've been crossing them all week and they all have odd names as you might expect. What they don't seem to have, however, is any water. Occasionally, we might gasp in awe at a trickle of silver thinner than Longford Brook but in the main the rivers here are dry but for a few weeks each year when melting snow turns them into raging torrents but, all in all, not the sort of place for Mr and Mrs Trout to have a happy life). Our run to Ouarzazate was short, a mere 70 miles and so we decided to use the spare time to make a brief excursion through the Dades gorges and were well rewarded for doing so. What followed were twenty miles of twisting roads with switch-backs more reminiscent of the Alps culminating in the sequence you can see here, and a well deserved bottle of pop in the café at the top. The road doesn't go much further beyond here so that was that. Or was it...?

There are certain times one can look back on as crossroad moments and a cursory glance at the map at that point was one such. You see, on the other side of the mountains there was another gorge road and the two are connected by allegedly four km of what they call 'piste'. This is basically unmade road, green lane or dirt track. How difficult could it be? After all, our bikes were just about capable and at worst we could always turn back...

55 miles of mountain sherpa tracks later...

Somewhere along the 'four km of piste' we possibly took a bit of a wrong turn. It's hard to tell as, well, there are no signs obviously... and not much road either. The next 7 hours served to make today the day of the trip, tested our bikes to the limit and us even more so. We climbed on narrow dirt tracks, the paths becoming rougher the higher we got with very steep drops it paid not to think too much about. Stopping in tiny Berber villages resembling nothing more than shoddy collections of ramshackle huts we were swarmed around by dirty, thin children begging for money and, strangely, for pens. Once we'd given away a lot of what we had and anything we could write with we headed on... up. The chances of finding a tarmac-ed road further up a mountain range you would think are a bit slim. Without really knowing where we were we just expected to turn the next bend and there would be our route, black and winding, down the mountain. Except it didn't appear. At 10,000ft (above which in an aircraft you must have oxygen), things were getting more serious.
Rob would have sold his now not-so-new bike for a tenner as long as it included a helicopter ride down and we all found the going very tough on bikes which were fully loaded and wearing road tyres. How Brian coped with this on a road bike at the tender age of 76 and without moaning is deserving of the highest praise. What we did get up there though was some of the most stunning scenery any of us has seen. Why Grand Canyon gets all of the plaudits is beyond us... has no one ever been here?

In true Red Lion Bikers fashion we pressed on (the only alternative being to go back and by now we were four hours in). Finally, the tracks began to descend, and despite a further 20 km of the same rocky mountain shale where the best policy was definitely 'don't look down!' we emerged in a village where our Brian bought something in a pop bottle he hoped was petrol and we were mobbed again by disappointed children who realised we'd already been fleeced for any spare.

A mere 150 miles to our destination to go... (I'm sure we only had 70 miles to do this morning... yes, we'd spent the entire day going in the wrong direction) we finally hit the black top and the gorge road we'd set out to find seven hours before.

What a day. Too long certainly (a bit like this post) but one which will be talked of in Herculean terms for many years but one also it would be hard to talk up.

A final twist on the way home, yours truly had been feeling a bit dicky for a couple of days but possessing the constitution of a concrete rhino put it down to Morocco's best effort to unsettle my innards. After emergency stopping three times in 30 miles I'd revised my opinion. The next two days aren't pretty to describe so I won't but I'm going off Morocco rapidly, unfairly perhaps.


More of Marrakech and Casablanca to come next...




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